A relationship defined by loss — My husband, Nate, and I started “courting” in the fall of 2003. I choose that term because it’s the only one I can think of to accurately describe the bizarre song and dance of our early affection. This confusing period lasted from the day I noticed our AIM conversations had…

Two families separated by divorce reunite at a funeral — My sister, Alison, was biologically my half-sibling, but I never described her that way. Our mom and her dad divorced when she was a baby, and our parents married when she was two. She grew up calling my dad, ‘Dad,’ and that’s why I use the term ‘our parents’ throughout…

A Glimpse into the Reign of the Duchess of Dunwoodie — It’s hard to accurately describe my grandmother, Millie Spagnolo, who from now on I’ll refer to by her real name, which is Nanny. As a child, after hearing one of my stories about Nanny, a friend asked, “Oh, is that your mean grandma?” Mean is not the right word, not…

The ‘shameful’ thoughts the bereaved are reluctant to disclose — Soon after my dad died in 2004, I came to the logical conclusion that I was evil. I told my new boyfriend about it in a jokey manner, my go-to approach for serious yet scary conversations. “I’m about 80% evil. Just thought you should know…” I casually mentioned while using…

Six practical ideas for supporting a bereaved friend or family member during the holidays — Chances are that you know someone who has had a very difficult 2019. Maybe they lost a friend or family member, maybe someone they love is physically here but is suffering from dementia, substance use disorder, or end-stage illness. …

How the Bereaved Keep Score — There is a grief underbelly: a dark and damp place swirling with thoughts that many grievers have but are too ashamed to admit. If these thoughts are ever spoken aloud it’s almost never in every-day conversation with ordinary people. Instead, you may hear them uttered in the safe spaces of…

4 Tips for Making the Holiday More Manageable —

Creating Photo Books to Keep the Deceased Present for Young Grievers — This is Part I of a series on childhood grief. Part II, on talking to children about death and dying, may be found here. This Thursday, November 21st is Children’s Grief Awareness Day. Childhood grief can run deep, but because children can move from tears to laughs and smiles in…

It turns out that honesty really is the best policy — Part II of a series in honor of Children’s Grief Awareness Day. Part I, on helping children grieve with remembrance books, may be found here. Death and grief are notoriously awkward subjects for most adults. We are caught up in what to say and how to say it. We never…